Saturday, June 18, 2011

"Don't Let the Parade Pass You By!"

It seems for so many mothers and daughters, there comes a first day of estrangement that at the time seems to just be another squabble that will end in days. Weeks and then months and even years can pass by with the emotions of anger hiding the forever bonds of Mother Love.

This was the way it was when my father passed away. My mother seemed to become another person, and I was so angry with her for this. Our home at the top of the Neighborhood with Hills filled with Room Renters, my mother became a 9 to 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 pm employee who was never available to me.

Having returned with my husband to live in my childhood home at the bottom of the hilly neighborhood, I would drive by her home each day to see if her car was there becoming disappointed and angrier still with each pass by.

Then one day expecting to pass by yet again, I found her car was home. Entering through the front door, I could see my mother on the living room couch watching television. She called out to me, "Sweetheart, come and watch "Funny Girl" with me." (Pooch Tutorial found here)

This was my mother's favorite movie, and she knew I loved it as well. We sat in companionable silence, the beautiful score washing away all of the tension that had been between us. It was at this moment my mother talked to me about being a widow. She spoke of long time couple friends who felt awkward with one lone guest to worry about. She spoke of the hollowness of a home without my father's visits. She spoke of the worry of having to support herself having been away from the work force for so many years. She spoke about the efforts to get through even one day taking all of the energy she had within herself. She asked me to understand.

I would remember this time during the years my daughter's illness drove a wedge between us I thought would never go away. If only for a brief time, I could get her to watch a favorite movie with me, relaxing into memorized words and loved characters. These comfortable moments would sustain us until we could find our way back to each other. I have always loved movies, and I have always loved parades.


Aunt Kadra Louise said...

You hit the nail right on the head with this story. My Mom and I haven't seen eye to eye on so many things through the years and it has been a long sad journey. Now my daughter and I have had some ups and downs planning her wedding. Its not the amount of money I've spent but after purchasing bridesmaids dresses two times, now she thinks she will just not have bridesmaids at all! She is letting her future husband make all the decisions and he told her, "Who are you marrying, Me or your MOM?" I hope this too shall pass. Love your 4th of July decorations!

vivian said...

moms... all I can say is I hope I'm a far better one then my own was.
I adore everything you make and everything you write. All your little 4th of july marchers are toooooo freakennnnn cuteeee!!!!!

Hope said...

my om was not the BEST mom, but she was MINE. I loved her without question and we bacame very good friends after all the silliness of life and anger and cross words was put aside. I am glad we worked hard to get to that place.


Hi E,
So many of us have "issues" with our moms! Time does heal and going forward is the best.
LOVE your JULY girls and their little puppies. Your creations ALWAYS put a smile on my face.
Take care!

Ina said...

lovely. ;0

Anonymous said...

I was really lucky. I loved every thing about my mom. She was loving and devoted, but also knew when to leave me alone to make my own mistakes and learn from them. I didn't realize what a great job she did with that until I realized I didn't provide that same freedom to my own daughter. It held her back in lots of ways that I now regret.

Your July creations are just darling, darling, darling!


Unknown said...

I had a terrific mom who has been gone for 20 years this month. I wish every daughter could have that kind of mom. I am sure I did not measure up to her standards, but what is wonderful is I see a lot of her in my grown up daughter. God bless you and thanks for all the sharing you do:)

Nan said...

We have to stop trying to make others be what we want them to be, they must in the end just be themselves and we have to accept that. No one is perfect.

Betty said...

Mothers! Oiy! I love my mom but she often drives me nuts as I am sure I do the same to her. I have been very lucky with my daughter. She is truly my best "woman" friend.

Suz said...

Oh, E, those rifts are so incredibly painful. My mom died so young that we didn't have them but Kat and I have had some and they just KILL me. I pray that I am not a repeat of your mother and that I can be available to her. We all need a mom.
You write so beautifully and so honestly. You have a lot of you realize that?

Celestial Charms said...

Hi Elizabeth,
How difficult that time must have been for you. I can sympathize, as I can never remember a time when my Mom was not working. I cherished the stolen moments with her, and now I totally dedicate my life to my children. Whatever becomes of the future, I can rest in peace knowing I was always there for them. There is nothing worse, than longing for a Mother's love. On the brighter side, I too, remember silently watching movies with my Mom. Funny, how the love of shared movies can themselves create a strong bond!

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

My mom and I are like oil and water but I've learned to accept that over the years. On the other hand, it is my dad who married a big psycho that took over his entire being and he no longer speaks to me or my brother. C'est la vie! Have a wonderful day. best wishes, Tammy

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

My mom and I are like oil and water but I've learned to accept that over the years. On the other hand, it is my dad who married a big psycho that took over his entire being and he no longer speaks to me or my brother. C'est la vie! Have a wonderful day. best wishes, Tammy

Musings from Kim K. said...

Beautiful post, Elizabeth.

Anonymous said...

Dear Elizabeth, I too have movie memories with the mom who was seldom able to "talk" with me about me. For some reason, I always knew that my mother was just human. I'm hoping my adult children will also know this about me soon! ♥

Hearts Turned said...

So sweetly said, dear Elizabeth...loved every single word.

Wishing you the loveliest Sunday, my friend...


Debby said...

I know how it is to have a Mom that doesn't have the time you would like . I try extra hard with my daughter as I am sure you do as well. It is so hard sometimes. On another note......yes, we will have to do the swap tradeoff in person. I can't wait to meet you.

BucksCountyFolkArt said...

What an emotional story. As a mom and a daughter, I can understand both your sides. Your mom, probably terrified, lonely, depressed, just trying to make ends meet. You, craving her attention, wanting to be close....*sigh* God never said it would be easy.

ps It's my birthday today!! I have to share it with Father's Day. Bummer!

Soso said...

Thanks to you, I have learned many interesting things. I hope to learn still. I congratulate you for this wonderful sharing. Keep going !

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