Saturday, March 16, 2013

Underwear


As modest as I am about nakedness, I am even more so about underwear. I would much rather be glimpsed in my all-together than my Just-My-Size underwear.



I can only attribute this to my many years in the military where you were required to strip down to your skivvies for even a foot exam. I tell you I have been on "High Alert" these last few days as I've made my rounds regarding my injured knee.


As I filled out paperwork in preparation of a MRI, I asked the receptionist if I would have to wear a gown for the scan. When she told me I could keep my clothes on, I let out a, "Yippie Skippie!" She said, "Pardon Me?" to which I joyfully responded, "I'm so happy I get to keep my clothes on!"


The receptionist then led me through a seemingly endless list of all the possible metal items I might have in my body. I felt as though I had gotten an "A" on a test by having answered "No" to each; but then she paused, and looked me right in the eye. "Do you have any metal in your eyes?"


I tell you I gasped out loud, "Would I know if I had metal in my eye? Do people come here with metal in their eyes?" To which she non-nonchalantly answered, "You'd be surprised." She then had me sign a release stating I knew I could cause major bodily harm to myself and the technicians if I entered the scanning room with any metal on my person.


The receptionist had me then place my purse in a locker which she locked and handed me the key dangling from a telephone cord like bracelet. "You can go in to the scanning room now." I didn't take a step!  I raised my wrist with the dangling key, "What about the metal release form?"


Thank goodness the technician took my key the moment I crossed the threshold of the imaging room. I was directed to lie down on the scanning table as the technician explained that three scans would be taken, each lasting about 17 minutes. He handed me a panic button, placed ear phones on my head, and removed himself to the control panel.


The table began to whir, I felt myself entering the scanner. The technician asked what type of music did I wish to listen to. I opened my eyes and realized my head was just outside the tunnel shaped opening. "Oh my gosh! My head is going to be on the outside? I don't need to listen to any music." He said that I had to as the noise the machine made could harm my ears. "Talk Radio, please"


It was at this very moment as the machine began it's jackhammer like thumping, and my earphones began talking in Spanish, that I realized my underwear was not situated just right. Oh My Gosh! I barely got through the first session trying to keep my mind off my squitchy underwear by desperately trying to recognize familiar words in Spanish.


The technician asked if I was okay at the end of the first session, but what could I say?  "We need to start all over because my underwear is in a bunch?" Let me tell you this was the longest hour of my life!


I go back to my doctor this coming Tuesday to have the scans read. I am already wondering if I will get to keep my clothes on if surgery is called for. Either way, I guarantee you my underwear will be situated!


Please do not Pin pattern on Pinterest.




43 comments:

E said...

I'd love a stork button keeper! I am in bed reading your post and laughing omg E what a story teller you are !!! XO Elaine

Chenille Cottage said...

Oh, Elizabeth...I am chuckling this very moment! Just how do you tie in your "underpants story" with your cute little creations??? tee hee...You're so funny.

I fell down a flight of stairs when I was in my early 20s (a very long time ago, I assure you) and was in a lot of pain. Did I care about the pain? No way...I was more worried about them seeing my underpants than anything!!! Now to get to the heart of my big secret...It was the day before payday and with no washer and dryer I always had to wash at the Laundromat. We had about 20 cents in our bank account. To make a long story short...Well...I figured no one would ever know that I had borrowed a pair of my hubby's comfy jockey shorts that morning. Yeeeeek....So when I fell...My secret was out...to all the XRAY techs in the Emergency Room.

Smiles, my funny story telling friend.
Carolynn xoxo

Pixie said...

There is NOTHING worse that having your knickers bunched up in the wrong place. The worst is when I am at work and they go askew and there is NO PLACE to hide and adjust them. I am just stuck there, uncomfortable, until I get break and can make a beeline to the bathroom to adjust myself.

PS. I am afraid you will more than likely have to be naked for the surgery...;)

Hope

vivian said...

oh dear.. you make me laugh! I posted a story about Tiffanys baby shower when I picked marlaina up off the floor and her feet caught in my dress and pulled it up.. exposing my not so nice undies to a bunch of people... eiy yie yie... how embarrassing. Never again will I wear ratty ones!
Our mothers knew what they were talking about didnt they?
happy saturday
xoxo

Scrap for Joy said...

It must be a generational thing with underwear. Women in our age group would rather die than let someone see their underwear while the younger set feels very differently. (My choice is jockey cotton...I'm waaaaay past the Victoria's Secret days!) I can just see all of your readers of a certain age, nodding (and chuckling ) as they read your post. Your newest storks are delightful and I love your new parade participants.
Happy Weekend E!
xoxo
Joyce

Kim K. said...

I'm smiling from ear to ear at your underwear adventures. You have a way with stories that brings such joy to each of us. I'll be anxious for updates after your appt later this week with the doctor.

Vintage Sheet Addict said...

Your blog has really inspired me to have a little Easter display of my own, thank you....now where's them eggs! :) x

Holly- Cutie Pie Cottage said...

Oh poor Elizabeth! Undies in a bundle while listening to talk radio in Spanish! I can just imagine!

I had to strip down to my underwear for my leg procedure and I wore high top undies that are almost like bathing suit bottoms- they don't budge and THAT"S why I wore them! Ha-ha!

I just love the little party hats you're making for your characters! ♥

HollyC said...

Oh how funny! Notice how we all worry about the same things. I might wear a shirt twice and pants maybe twice but underware or bra twice? Never! Like Viv said our mothers alway told us to wear clean underware you never know when you might get in an accident! I am so glad that you survived the MRI, I have only had an emergency CAT scan which was quick. I can't imagine staying still for an hour. Have a wonderful weekend, Holly
Ps will be saying prayers for your surgery and recovery.

HollyC said...

Oh no, I forgot to let you know how much I enjoyed your baby parade. It is so adorable. I love how you cut the word "baby" out. I think that makes that float! I noticed that you have 4 storks available. I would love to buy one. The baby parade in my craft room has officially started :) It will follow the Easter parade on my shelf. Thanks for so much "as cute as can be" inspiration! Holly

Erica of Golden Egg Vintage said...

You are too funny! Who the heck has metal in their eyes? Wounded vets I suppose??? Such an odd question! Lol for both of my foot surgeries I got to keep my underwear on but couldn't wear a bra. Had a gown on of course. Haaa! This reminds me of what MY biggest fear was regarding the surgery! Letting the nurse help me go to the bathroom! Aaahhh! Talk about terror! Haha
Erica ;-)

Twyla and Lindsey said...

Although I don't have underware issues, I could certainly idendtify with everything you were going through. I have learned not to wear an underwire bra to the doctor's, I just might get lucky and not have to undress! Good luck with your knee! Twyla

Lorraine said...

You've made me smile knowing that these are some of the very thoughts I've had. I was in a car accident some 15 years ago and as I lie in the ambulance I was secretly thankful that I had taken care to put on hole-free underwear until, as they were cutting off my pants to check for injuries, I realized that I had been in such a hurry that morning to make sure the kids got to their games on time, I remembered that I had not shaved my legs! Lesson learned.

2daisies said...

Oh my gosh.....you are so funny!
You put a smile on my face this morning.I would be laying there thinking the exact same thing. I'm not sure how you stayed still for that long!Sorry to hear about your knee. Hope things go smoothly for you and wishing you a speedy recovery.
Good Luck!
Doreen

Valarie Kraft said...

I laughed out loud reading this post. You are a wonderful story teller. I would love to buy a button keeper if you have any left. Xxoo Valarie

HollyC said...

Lol-just really got to sit down and read your post and only one stork available and is already spoken for. Guess I shouldn't try to read blogs when making and eating breakfast :) No problem, I'll just catch something else you make next time. Maybe I will try my hand at making a stork, though it won't come out as cute as yours. Have a wonderful day, we are going to be in the 70s today, Holly

Shirley Hatfield said...

I am so happy to see all your little nursery planters all ready for the "Big Baby Shower!" I love that you made characters to go along with each planter. I found a darling one the other day that is a baby book. I need an idea for a character or arrangment to make it special! I think we need to hold "Vintage Baby Showers" even if it's for a total stranger's baby! LOL!

pam said...

Too funny! I remember having some sort of scan where they injected dye or something and then just as it is going in the tech told me "O.K. you are going to feel like you are peeing yourself - but you are not." I remember thinking "WHAT?!" It is just some weird sensation the dye causes - but when it happened it was so weird to have someone standing over your head and then you go "Oh, yeah, now I see" Sheesh! You definitely must lose all modesty in hospitals these days!

Debby said...

Thanks for making me laugh. I asked my husband if he had to take his undies off when he had his knee surgery and he said no but wondered why I would ask. Haha. His knew surgery was the scope kind. Having a Spanish channel would drive me crazy. We listed our house for sale the morning that I had a brain MRI. I was so exhaused that I fell asleep during the MRI. They kept waking me up, hah. Makes me want to go buy new undies as mine are all so old they are falling apart. Hope your news isn't too bad.

laurie -magpie ethel said...

Quite the MRI story and your undies! Hope the knee is taken care of soon. I once did a craft show and was there all day and could not understand why my undies were so uncomforable. I had put on a pair of Kate's which were size XS. Not my size. I have never done this again.

Ina said...

I HATE those machines! I had to have MRIs done on my eye by some 'special' MRI machine. Ugh. I hate the sound, you can't move, and the music is just scratchy noise.

Enough about me...I hope your visit with your doc goes well. ;p

E said...

Ok so I am now awake and alert ... What a story ... hate it when the underies get wadded up and you can't adjust them :) I can see the scene where the tech looks at you and asks the metal question ... I had to laugh cause I have been that person asking that question and the looks I got back were hilarious :) If they didn't tell you why they ask this its because if you've ever worked with metal you could have tiny metal shavings in your eyes and they can be moved by the MRI's magnetic field and damage your vision. Sometimes they will even
x-ray eyes (or they used to) to look for metal before they do an MRI. All those questions sure help you relax going into that tube dont they !! :) Wishing you the best and hope you get well soon XOXO E

bobbie said...

LOL! Ok, I must admit ~ you really caught my attention with your title!!

I hate mussed up panties, too ~ "getting one's knickers in a twist"!!

Hope all looks good in your MRIs ~

Anonymous said...

Love your story I can relate. Why is it that as soon as you enter the machine everything starts to itch Lol. Did not know that you were in the military. I was a police officer for 30 yrs in Miami Fl. kind of the same thing as the military. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Tona

craftyles said...

I'm just laughing over here, imaging that scene. Hope the MRI comes out-so you don't end up having surgery. Love the stork and that planter. So cute!

Cindy said...

I don't envy you a bit about the MRI. I have had a couple of them and hate every minute! Hope everything is going well with your injury and you won't have to worry about underwear for awhile:)
Stop by my blog, I've got a giveaway open until tomorrow.

chris mckinley said...

Too funny! had an MRI once all the way in! No fun at all! A gentleman at work favorite phrase.... Why are their undies in a bunch.... I will never listen to this phrase the same way again!

Chris

Pieceful Bits said...

Oh my goodness. That had to be pure torture!!!!

Patti said...

Oh, what a fun time I just had reading this story, E! I had to go back and look at the pictures again!!! So funny! Oh gosh, undies in a bunch - Spanish talk radio - I do hope your knee feels better soon! I just love, love, love everything you are making right now - and I do wish I had more time to make sweet things. Thank you so much for sharing your patterns with us! I got a stack of felt at a yard sale today - a pretty bright blue and pink, too! Perfect!

ImagiMeri said...

Sorry, no undies for knee surgery!!! Having had 12 of them, I know you don't get to keep them on. However, should you be the exception to the rule, let me know because I'll promptly notify my doctors and the hospital of their indignant way of treating me all these years!

Take heart in the fact that healthcare workers have seen everything and could really care less about your underwear, or whether it's clean, dirty, inside out, bright orange or anything. They've seen it all, every day, 24/7 and are immune to it......so regardless, your safe.

I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday, I had my morning taken up with Sandy and then my oldest daughter in the afternoon and I ran out of time. I'll try this coming week.

Love ya'
Meri

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

LOL, Elizabeth! So you had your "knickers in a twist", did you? : ) Love your nursery animals. I'm glad you are getting your leg looked at and hope it is better soon.

~Damita's Pretty Wrap~ said...

Oh my goodness... your story. I dislike very much going to doctors, hospitals, and getting exams. Although I've been pretty lucky not to have to go too much in my life...so far!

I just adore your little horse you made! He is so cute! All your new creations are adorable! I love how you decorate those little jelly jars too! :) xo Holly

Lynn said...

Hi E,
Love your story! I had the MRI machine!! I have had so many in the last 8 years, I swear that I glow in the dark at night LOL,
They let me keep my socks on during my last back surgery in 2011! That was the first time for having anything but the lovely hospital gown on. Maybe they took them off once I was asleep but they were on when I woke up in the recovery room.
Good luck with the dr visit on Tues. I love the storks, if one is available, I would love to purchase him!
Hugs,
Lynn and the wienee ranch crew minus our sweet Pebbles!

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