Saturday, June 18, 2011
"Don't Let the Parade Pass You By!"
It seems for so many mothers and daughters, there comes a first day of estrangement that at the time seems to just be another squabble that will end in days. Weeks and then months and even years can pass by with the emotions of anger hiding the forever bonds of Mother Love.
This was the way it was when my father passed away. My mother seemed to become another person, and I was so angry with her for this. Our home at the top of the Neighborhood with Hills filled with Room Renters, my mother became a 9 to 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 pm employee who was never available to me.
Having returned with my husband to live in my childhood home at the bottom of the hilly neighborhood, I would drive by her home each day to see if her car was there becoming disappointed and angrier still with each pass by.
Then one day expecting to pass by yet again, I found her car was home. Entering through the front door, I could see my mother on the living room couch watching television. She called out to me, "Sweetheart, come and watch "Funny Girl" with me." (Pooch Tutorial found here)
This was my mother's favorite movie, and she knew I loved it as well. We sat in companionable silence, the beautiful score washing away all of the tension that had been between us. It was at this moment my mother talked to me about being a widow. She spoke of long time couple friends who felt awkward with one lone guest to worry about. She spoke of the hollowness of a home without my father's visits. She spoke of the worry of having to support herself having been away from the work force for so many years. She spoke about the efforts to get through even one day taking all of the energy she had within herself. She asked me to understand.
I would remember this time during the years my daughter's illness drove a wedge between us I thought would never go away. If only for a brief time, I could get her to watch a favorite movie with me, relaxing into memorized words and loved characters. These comfortable moments would sustain us until we could find our way back to each other. I have always loved movies, and I have always loved parades.