Monday, April 6, 2009

Praying In Water

My daughter's name is  Kellye Lauren. Sensitive and intelligent, stubborn and passionate. She is unable to connect with people. The road less taken has been her path in life. The difficult path. It always will be. In her high school years when it became increasingly obvious that some connection was missing, I would hold all of my tears until my evening shower. This is when I would pray to God to save our daughter. The pain was unbearable, I wanted my life to end.

Surviving one car accident, "Kellye, God is calling you." Battling anorexia and the ever increasing distant personality, "Kellye, God is calling you." Surviving a second car accident, "Kelly, why can't you hear God?" A mother overdosing on all of her medication in front of her daughter, "Kellye, you can't hear God, can you hear my plea for you to get well?"

Home from the emergency room, my life in shatters, my beautiful daughter nearly gone to us, prayers in the shower. "God, I can't do it anymore. I give up. I let go. I give her to you." The answer from God was immediate. God had not been calling my daughter, he had been calling me.

At that moment I surrendered my life to God. My heart immediately felt light. I only spoke words of love and encouragement to my daughter not the negative begging that had no effect. She began to heal as I began this blog to tell my life's story from a point of honesty but also joy. By doing this I have truly let go of the past and am ready to flourish in the present.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Bobwhites and Roller Rings

Only Child girl's parents rented the cutest summer cottage just blocks from the sugary white sand of Myrtle Beach. Breakfasts barely eaten we bicycled, towels wrapped around our necks, inflatables flapping behind us as we held them by their ropes, peddling as though the beach wouldn't be there if we didn't hurry. Body surfing and handstands in the water, drifting lazily with the current far down the shore, slowly walking back to lay on our towels and read. With the changing of the tide, we slowly peddled home. Revival cold showers in outdoor bath house, our favorite part of the day just beginning.

Two dollars for two hours of roller skating heaven on smooth as ice varnished wooden flooring, Golden Oldies background for our lighthearted mood. A local hangout for the small community, boys hoping to skate with girls who weren't their sisters. We couldn't wait for the lights to dim and the silver faceted ball to begin casting squares of color in an endless circle. "Couples only." The announcer's voice floated above our heads. Hearts on our sleeves we pretended we weren't interested all the while hoping for a tap on the shoulder.  Beautiful Only Girl was always asked to skate. It was enough for me to live through her excitement and keep hopeful for the next time we came to skate.

 End of summer, beginning of fall, roller skates forgotten as ice skates where rented. An ice rink nestled in a valley of pine trees. A tap on the shoulder, "Couples Only" skate, a man who would become my husband.

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